Dear Matthew, we’re still stinging from your Open Letter to us on January 3, 2018.
The stinging was caused not by the content of your post but the reminder of our last Skype podcast interview with you. Gazing at your unbelievably pristine lumber-jack beard during the interview was a rebuke to our manhood. Even in midlife, Dave has no real shot at such facial hair, and Steve’s goatee is nothing short of pathetic, a feeble attempt to validate his deep outdoor insecurities.
So we must begin our reply with nothing but deference to and accolades for your facial accomplishments. You have achieved legendary countenance status in our hearts and minds.
Before we go much further, we want to be sure to accept every wonderful comment that you make about our podcast and book, The Fly Fisher’s Book of Lists: Life is short. Catch more fish. Did we mention that we’ve published a book?
Now that we’ve covered our annoying self-promotional, self-aggrandizing hoo-ha, we’d like to address the big idea of your post: that we need to broaden our fly fishing experiences to the East Coast.
Key Lines of the @Castingacross Open Letter
To properly respond to every nuanced thought in your post, we’ll break it down:
“I did want to remind you that I still haven’t received the royalty checks for my two appearances:”
Didn’t you mean to say, “I still haven’t sent you the royalty checks for the privilege of being on the podcast?”
“… it is clear that your fly fishing hearts lie beyond the Mississippi.”
We think it’s clear that we are cheap. We begin all our fly fishing planning with, “Do we have family or ‘loose family ties’ that we can mooch off?”
Steve is a master mooch, and Dave is Steve’s mooch conspirator, for Dave never complains when Steve finds free lodging on one of their Montana excursions.
“I’m just asking you to seriously consider some angling opportunities that lie a little more eastward.”
Eastward. Hmmm. Is that a direction?
“A River Runs Through It has captivated recent generations of fly fishers, and rightly so. Still, that brand of western angling nostalgia only looks as far back as the early 1900’s. Places in the Catskills and Central Pennsylvania are literally the birthplaces of American fly fishing.”
Uh, this may be a bit embarrassing for you, but everyone knows Brad Pitt is the founder of fly fishing and that Norman Mclean was his father in real life. Everyone. Given that bit of historical, uh, truth, the royal lineage of fly fishing seems to run through Montana.
“It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that I am the chief sinner when it comes to just going where it is comfortable.”
We don’t want to judge you, but the phrase “chief sinner” had come to mind before you mentioned it.
“So what say you? Maine brook trout? Massachusetts striped bass? Carolina catfish?”
You had us at Carolina catfish.
“Sincerely, the hopefully-soon-to-be 3rd guy in a river out east,”
You are here by officially knighted as the Third Guy. We’ll send an invoice for a third of the expense of it all shortly. You can pay us by saying yes to another podcast episode real soon.
Your Western-Biased Friends,
Dave and Steve
2 Guys and a River